Its been over a year since i have blogged here. I guess no time with four kids, work, school things, well....just life. We have changed into a big family, and its only getting better with time. Lili is now 4, and she is doing remarkably well. She just had surgery, and is recoveing beautifully. We cant really believe its been two years since we have brought her home. Amazing how time flies!! This will be my last post here, and possibly do a new blog for our family. Our journey to Lili is over, but now our journey is all of us together. We are a family !!!


March 13, 2008: Happy Birthday Lili!!

***i posted this NOTE on facebook yesterday, thought i would blog it***

3 years ago a child was born to a mother who did not know what to expect. A mother that possibly couldnt financially support this child. A mother who probably didnt know her child would be born with a deformatity and a facial birthmark. A mother who had to make a very hard decision the minute she met her child. that child was left behind with no family to care for them. This child will have no memory of this significant moment in her life. This child didnt know there was a family waiting , wanting her for 3 years. This child now knows what love, laughter, kissing boo-boos are about. This child is a blessing to our family in so many ways , too many to count. This child leaves such an impact on everyone they meet. This child meets with a simple HI! and a hug.

And even though there have been struggles there is no doubt that this child has sooo much love !! This child is sooo loved by their forever parents, and their 3 forever siblings. All grandparents, all aunts & uncles and all cousins.

I dont know if the birth mother thinks of this child. But if she does, i hope she feels that this child is in a great family and is so loved.

This child has become our daughter. This child is Olivia Wen-Li Conde. This child does bring us joy, smiles, tears because how sweet she is on a daily basis. This child is teaching me the Love of God, the strength of God. We are so blessed to have her as our forever daughter.

Happy Birthday Lili! We love you dearly.....


Well i guess Happy New Year!

I didn't realize its been so long since i have blogged. Geez! how the time gets away from you when you are trying to figure life out.

First of all: Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a great holiday. I know we did. It was a bit overwhelming but nice to have.

Life is moving along. Busy as always; and still adjusting to the new dynamic in our family. Seems to be getting better; or at least that is what I tell myself. Lili is doing wonderful…continues to be a sweet little girl. She has learned so much and is talking so much its crazy. Just recently she started to put 3-4 word phrases together.
“I dont want to go to bed”

“Mommy, where daddy go?”

“My stomach hurts”

very impressive this little one.

She continues to mimic Leila…but i mean EVERYTHING! And at times Leila gets frustrated and i need to separate the two. Teach Lili to play with her own toys, and in her own space. Its just difficult, shes only 2.5..but its the least i can do for Leila. This did change her life around. And we really try to help in any way to ease her into it still.

As for myself: well i am getting there. Still hard; and shocking to me since its already been 4 months; but then again that is not a very long time. But we are trying……

So if any other adoptive moms out there know of any good resources pass them on! I can use a little help.

Other than the norm; work has or will be getting busier here in the next 30 days, which is great….but now the girls will be doing MDO 4 days a week. Thank goodness Lili LOVES school and they just love her to pieces there.

Well this was a really quick post to say Hi! Im still here….we are still living!

hope everyone is well…and hopefully to hear from anyone of you soon.

good night.



Well every sunday we (try) really hard to go to worship in the morning. This passed weekend, we stayed out late at our twin nephews baseball game; and the two little ones stayed the night at my moms. First sleep over for lili...she did great! So next morning, i rush to pick them up and then to meet Leo with the older ones at Second Baptist. When i arrive i decided to check out the child classes for Lili's age. Well she got super excited to stay; so i thought why not. She has adjusted herself so perfect, lets give it a shot. Plus they give you a pager in case something happens, they page you, it vibrates , you go. The best part: in her class is a little boy , Gio, who belongs to a very, very super close friend of mine. That totally comforted me and Lili too. Not that they know eachother, but she saw my reaction when i saw him; which then brought comfort to her. We dropped all of our kids in their rooms and Leo & I sat through a great hour of worship just the two of us. You have no idea how much i cherished that hour. I was able to breathe a bit Ahhhhhhh!

We decided to get Lili first so we can spy on her. She was sitting in a rocking chair just rocking away. She saw us got SUPER excited ran to me and with open arms..and i just picked her up and squeezed her. The teacher told me she did wonderful! That she is so helpful, and just undeniabley super sweet. Yes that is Lili in a nutshell. SWEET!

Now i learned that we need to arrive at least 40 minutes prior to worship time to drop all 4 kids off. THey are scattered all over the place: Lili first floor; Leila second floor front of the building; Ava second floor back of the building, Noah third floor.

Its nice to be able to breathe.


Thurday's Things To Pray For:

1) My patience is wearing thin. Over everything. Its eating me up; im feeling guilty, im feeling lonely (even with 4 kids) , im feeling..well not much, I am trying really hard every day to be positive and some days i succeed , some I fail. So i pray for my patience to get better

2) my anxiety to relax....its super high; which then affects #1.

3) For my kids: that they continue to grow and be such wonderful beings.

4) For my Leo: my wonderful husband who has been really patient w/ me adjusting through my own personal mess.

5) Our work: i pray that we get an answer tomorrow so we can start our clients house. We need to start like 2 weeks ago.

6) My family: every single one of them. they each are special in their own way. i love them all, and i especially thank those that i know are THERE for me when needed. You know who you are...

7) I pray for my client: i am trying to sell her house in the midst of her separation; and she just recently lost her brother in a car accident last weekend. I hope she can be strong to manage thru this diffucult time w/her boys.

#7 trumps all my issues.

Lord thank you for all your blessings and hopefully we are handling them correctly in your eyes.


Why Am I Not there Yet?

Okay so its been awhile since i have sat down and wrote something down, aside from my Thursday Pray Day (which i missed this past week). Update on all kids adjustment: Noah is just plain wonderful , and well a 10 year old boy. He is SUPER sweet with Lili. Ava is also just as great with her, very playful with her and loves on her. Leila has gotten 100% better since she has stayed at home with us 3 days a week instead of being at school 5 days. They play together, Leila is teaching her lots & lots of stuff; and Lili is soaking it ALL up! Lili is her shadow....very sweet to watch.

Now i hope you dont judge me in a harsh way. I am being honest here and hopefully by writing this down; maybe this will help me grow.

This has not been easy for me. Not at all. And its not Lili. She is doing amazing! She sleeps, she eats, we are potty training successfully, she is a truly sweet soul. A very happy child.

So why is this SOOOO DANG HARD for me! I care for her, and give her all she needs food, shelter, clothing...but i am lacking in the affection department. Do i hug her ? YES, do i give her kisses? yes i do, but not as much i think i should. I just dont "FEEL" it .. yet. And it really bothers me that i am not. And it breaks my heart when i look into her eyes and knowing that. I do have days that i do full on..and i really love those .. .but then the next day I am just "there". Going through the motions..I will say this: I am Momma Bear with her 100%. I feel very, and i mean very PROTECTIVE over her..like a momma bear with her cubs; like i do with all my kids.

Its not as harsh as it sounds; believe me. But its been hard. And there is really no one to talk to that may understand me. I cant just tell anyone this ; because they wont understand. People on the outside: LOVE the idea of adoption; love Lili when they meet her, just love the whole concept and just assume it should be easy. This little person is adorable as can be so if i mention this: they will judge and be like : are you crazy? Plus i am a mommy. I love being a mommy, and i love babies, and just love kids. So again: why is this so dang hard for me to be full on? without having to think about it.

I have been with Lili EVERYDAY since we got her August 23rd; day and night. Maybe a break here & there to run to the store or do work stuff (not that often). but other than that, everyday. the weird thing is: i was great before we met her; i was great while we were in China. Then we come home; and it slowly started to change. But everyday i pray that i get there. And i know its not going to happen over night; i know that. I just hope it happens sooner than later.

She is a lovely child. She is doing great at potty training. And this was not my idea..she told me she was ready...well more like signed to me that she was. She wakes up happy everyday; loves to eat; takes her naps now with no fuss; goes to bed with no fuss; loves her brother and sisters; loves her grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles friends. And loves me and daddy. She shows us, and tells us. When Leo leaves to work; she yells to him I love you! The other day i hurt myself and she said to me Huggie: so i pick her up , she squeezes me and caresses my head; its ok momma, its ok. I just about died. Sweet, sweet child.

She is truley a child that has adjusted to our family perfectly. Its truley amazing how she literally fits our family. Her personality; her love; her whole self. It matches our family. And hopefully, we will continue to get to know one another and grow as mother and child.

Here is a video of how cute she is: Lili LOVES TO DANCE!!! She is more spanish in that department than my other kids....its funny.


Thurday's Things To Pray For:

Well i have been REALLY out of POCKET since we have been home with Olivia. Lots of things have been going on , good and bad. The time is just not there anymore...not that i had ALOT to begin with, the little i did HAVE, that is completely gone. UNLESS i get up at 4am, or not go to sleep early to gain my lost sleep from before. I will figure it out.

My things to Pray for:

1) That my patience gets better with everything.
2) That Lili continues to blossom they way she is, and that we dont hinder her in any way.
3) That Leila continues to grow as a big sister for Lili. My Baby turns 5 in two weeks. (not a happy mom right now)
4) That Noah gives himself the confidence to do well in school and his sports.
5) That Ava's love for Justin Bieber goes away..JUST KIDDING. That Ava's beautiful, full of rainbow colors Personality never changes
6) For my wonderful husband: That he continues the strength he has to handle everything that i have thrown to him (not purposely) and for all the work coming up.
7) And me: Just pray for me. It would be 20 pages if i write what i need prayers for.

And most of all. Thank you Lord for helping us hurdle over the barricades that have been put in front of us. Somehow , someway YOU always "fix" it. OR give us the opportunity to fix it, and to learn from it. And i graciously appreciate that. I hope to continue to grow with you daily. I do fail at times, but i come right back.

i love my husband, i love my kids, i love my life.